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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29817117">Dead Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutlawLord/pseuds/OutlawLord'>OutlawLord</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fairy Tail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Sex, Multi, very little comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:27:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29817117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OutlawLord/pseuds/OutlawLord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gray knew it wasn't healthy, but he didn't want to let go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gray Fullbuster &amp; Loke, Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dead Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was reading something explaining FT ships or whatever and OP wrote "Natsu is way more important to Gray than Gray will ever be to Natsu" and that just hit real fucking hard, so even though I haven't read/watched FT in forever, this thing burst forth</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gray knew he was clinging onto something that was long gone. He was fine with that. He wanted to say he was resigned to it, but resigned would imply that he would let go if he could. Gray didn’t want to let go. He wouldn’t let go, not ever, not for anything.</p><p>Not even when stray clothes started appearing on the floor of his shared bedroom with Natsu, not even when the fire mage came home with weird bruises all over his body that he couldn’t explain away, not even when Natsu turned to him in bed one night (they had started to sleep facing away from each other, and Gray didn’t know when it happened, when he had realized) and whispered, “What are we doing, Gray?” He had pretended to be asleep, knowing full well that Natsu could probably hear from his heartbeat that he was awake.</p><p>Natsu pulled him aside one day at the guild, practically shoved him into the restroom, and said, “We need to talk, Gray.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about” was the ice mage’s immediate reply. “I’m leaving.” But before he could so much as move in the direction of the door, Natsu grabbed his arm and shoved him into a wall.</p><p>“Please, Gray,” he begged. “Let’s talk.”</p><p>“I don’t want to,” Gray whispered, head hanging low as he stared resolutely at the ground. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say, don’t want to hear your fucking apologies, your- your fucking goodbyes, I don’t-”</p><p>“Please,” Natsu whispered. “Let’s end this. It’s not working out. You know this.”</p><p>“No,” Gray sobbed, sagging to the floor. Natsu let him fall. “No, no, no, no, no.”</p><p>Natsu sighed, squatted on the floor. “We can still be friends,” Natsu offered. “I still want you, need you in my life. I still love-”</p><p>“Don’t,” Gray whispered. “Don’t say you love me when you’re trying to leave, don’t fucking leave, Natsu please.” Gray looked up at Natsu’s face, only to discover that the fire mage was crying, too. “Please don’t leave me, Natsu. I’ll do anything. Anything. Please.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Natsu whispered. “God, I’m so sorry, Gray. So, so fucking sorry.”</p><p>“Then stay.” Gray’s voice cracked. “Please, Natsu, stay by my side. If you love me, stay.”</p><p>Natsu placed his hand on Gray’s shoulder tentatively, as if he was scared of touching him. As if he was scared of giving Gray the wrong impression. “It’s because I love you that I have to do this. It’s not fair to you.”</p><p>“You don’t get to decide that,” Gray whispered. He reached out with his arms, wrapped them around Natsu’s neck like he’d done a thousand times before. “You don’t get to decide what’s fair or not for me. Natsu, please.”</p><p>“Then it’s not fair to me,” the dragon slayer said, pulling away. He didn’t hug Gray back. “I deserve to be able to love openly. I can’t do that with you holding me back.”</p><p>“Why?” Gray sobbed weakly, his arms dropping heavily to his sides. “Why don’t you love me anymore? Why…her?”</p><p>“I still love you, Gray,” Natsu protested. “It’s just that, somewhere along the line, the love changed. And I’m really fucking sorry it did. I am. But I can’t help the way that I feel. And I-” Natsu stopped. Inhaled. Exhaled. “When I look at Lucy, I see my future. I see all the stars in the galaxy in her eyes. She’s- Gray, I love her.”</p><p>“I love you more.”</p><p>“I don’t know if that’s true. But Gray, please. Let’s end this. You need to let me go.”</p><p>Gray dried off his face, stared off to the side. “Okay,” he murmured. “Okay.”</p><p>Natsu smiled, tears in his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. Thank you.”</p><p>Natsu lingered for a few moments, but ultimately left the restroom first. Gray sat on the floor of the restroom for ten more minutes. In the end, it was Loke who came to retrieve him.</p><p>“Hey bro,” the spirit greeted. “Shitty thing they’ve done, huh.”</p><p>Gray blinked. “How are you here? I can hardly imagine Lucy summoned you to comfort her boyfriend’s ex.”</p><p>Loke smiled and said lightly, “Alas, against the wishes of my master, I am here, for a bro always helps out a bro in need.” He sat down on the restroom floor and placed his arm around Gray’s shoulders, pulling the ice mage into his chest. “You’re not alone, alright?” Loke said, suddenly serious. “You are not, and will never be, alone. We’re your family. We may be their family too, but we’re your family.” Gray nodded weakly.</p><p>“I don’t think I can let go,” he whispered, his face hidden in Loke’s suit. “I don’t want to let go. I just want to love him. Even if it hurts. I don’t think I can stop. I don’t know how.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Loke smiled. “That’s natural. It’ll take time. It’ll hurt for a long while. But one day, you’ll wake up and find that it hurts a little less. Even further down the line, and you’ll find it doesn’t hurt at all. And then you can find happiness again.”</p><p>“You don’t get it,” Gray sobbed. “You don’t get it at all.”</p><p>“Trust me,” Loke said. “I do.”</p><p>But he didn’t. Loke had felt pain, and tried for many, many years to try to alleviate it, to get rid of it somehow. Gray wanted to feel this pain for the rest of his life.</p><p>He didn’t know what else he could possibly feel. Probably just empty.</p><p>Because who was Gray without pain, anyway? The pain of losing his family, losing Ur, being hated by Lyon, being basically comatose for seven years, dying and coming back to life and dealing with the phantom pains and mental trauma, becoming a literal demon, watching his father die again (and it’s Gray’s fault, always his fault), almost losing Natsu to END, and now, actually losing Natsu. All his life, he’d just felt pain, and once he let go, what would he feel? Nothing. Numb.</p><p>Gray closed his eyes and let Loke hug him tightly, let Loke protect him from the world for just a few minutes.</p><p>He closed his eyes, and allowed himself to be weak.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I like to think that when Natsu's apologizing, it's because he realizes how broken Gray's become as a result of their relationship. He's been mostly willfully blind to it this entire time, getting caught up in falling in love with someone else, but suddenly he's being faced with the consequences of his actions. His strong rival, begging on his knees for his cheating boyfriend to not leave him. idk, there are lots of things Natsu could be apologizing for in that moment</p></blockquote></div></div>
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